Symptoms of Wapanese

“Wapanese” are decidedly Caucasian individuals who, by means of thoroughly warped postmodern acculturation processes, have come to the conclusion that it is in their best interest to act as if they were denizens of the nation of Japan (please note that the term weeaboo can be substituted). Due to a chemical imbalance in their heads, the Wapanese will denounce their country, stalk Asian girls, eat nothing but Asian food, live in their parents house until they are 30 or older, and generally be annoyances for the rest of their lives or until they snap out of it, which usually happens around the 9th or 10th grade.

The term “Wapanese” is actually derived from the mixing of “white” and “Japanese” but due to the fact that Wapanese are no longer all white, we have adopted the new meaning of “wannabe Japanese”.

Wapanese can be classified by two or more of the following traits:

1. Are obsessed to a mentally unstable level with anything connected with Japan. Wapanese will believe and proclaim that every facet of Japanese culture is superior to all others, particularly American. Whether it is junk food like Pocky, animation, film, economy, work ethic, respect for this and that, Japan will be better in every way. They will continue to believe this to the point that they smother themselves with everything Japanese in order to bury their own origins.

2. Will try to learn Japanese simply from watching anime. They will learn only a small number of  Japanese words and sprinkle them within English sentences, using what is called Japanglish. They are under the false pretense that they know a vast amount of the Japanese language by adding words such as “kawaii” or “baka” into their sentences (cute and fool respectively).

3. Has a superficial, rather unhealthy obsession with shallow, saccharine and intellectually insulting animation shows (referred to commonly as “anime” ), made originally for young Japanese children.

4. Have also unhealthy obsessions with supposedly handsome anime characters that resemble chopsticks painted with faces. They do such in a toxic level that other people who see that they worship some bony fool drawn on paper would vomit to death.

5. Operates under the flawed belief that the American culture is exceptionally inferior to that of Japan’s, even though 99.99% of Wapanese have never had any firsthand experience with their preferred culture (aka, they have never been to Japan itself).

6. Often owns a sword (Katana or other Japanese weapon of course) and claim they have studied the Samurai and Ninja and know how to expertly use their blade. Aside from being wrong, they forget that Ninjas and Samurai probably were in a lot better physical shape than them. Also they believe that merely by watching Naruto, they can become Ninja.

7. Don't realize that the Japanese would find them equally as sad, if not more so, than the Americans do. They are often looked down upon for slaughtering the language and culture.

8. Will proudly refer to themselves as "Otaku". They seem to miss the fact that in Japan being an Otaku means you are a sheltered and pathetic person obsessed with trivial pursuits, and that they need help. I actually don't think the Wapanese could have chosen a more fitting name for themselves.

9. Extreme cases may traipse around whilst wearing a “costume” that makes them resemble their favorite anime characters (this practice is referred to as cosplay; cross-dressing and raging homosexuality is not an uncommon component of cosplay.

10. Enjoy eating Pocky, ramen, and other Asian junk food while shunning all non-Asian foods as they are quite obviously inferior.

11. Love to harp how much better Japanese music is than American music, despite the fact that they listen to J-pop/rock, which has the same amount of substance as American pop, meaning none.

12. Try to dress harajuku/lolita by applying mountains of makeup and mixing up clothes which makes them look like they are in drag or a wannabe emo.

Interestingly enough, Wapanese are generally though of as “failures” and rejects within their own culture. I speculate that it was their failure to gain acceptance within their own culture than has lead many a white geek to seek out Japan’s culture as a surrogate; however, they’d be shattered to know that the insular and somewhat racist Japanese society would be even less accepting of them than the people of their true and native culture.